Day 170 - The Pirate's Last Wave

Dale's true identity as a pirate has finally been revealed. And how do you know if you are a pirate? You just "Arrrrrrrr!!"





















Since today was the last wave, I thought we should take a minute to review a few Pirate Rules (as found on tensionnot.com) and discover how Dale has either obeyed these rules or, in pirate-like fashion, totally disregarded them.

1. When fishing, a pirate uses either a sword, a knife, or his bare hands. Use of a hook is only acceptable in the event the pirate is missing a hand. (see Day 121, Day 113, and Day 93)

2. Parrots are the preferred pirate companion (see Day 134). Monkeys are an acceptable substitute, unless they fling their feces at people. Then they are an awesome substitute.

3. No pirate shall ever sit on a toilet seat, for any reason. (see Day 167)

4. Pirates never use the words "fresh" or "feelings," and certainly not together (as in "I have that not-so-fresh feeling"). (see Day 149)

5. Peglegs must be made of timber or some other suitable wood. Plastic, ceramic, porcelain, or metal peglegs are utterly unacceptable, simply because it complicates the use of the phrase "shiver me timbers."

6. Pirates do not wear eyeglasses or bifocals unless they are looking at a treasure map, and even then they are allowed only a monacle. Any comments about "Mr. Peanut" while wearing the monacle are prohibited. (again, Day 167)

7. A pirate must never visit a tanning salon. If he is not already tan enough (Day 123) from searching for treasure, he hasn't been searching hard enough.

8. A pirate may never wear another man's clothing, unless he first kills that man. [Day 19 --what man would be caught dead in those clothes?]

9. No pirate may do the arm movements for "YMCA", or engage in country-western line-dancing. (see Day 15, Day 23, and Day 32)

10. Under no circumstances is a comb-over an acceptable pirate hairdo. [Bad Hair Days? He had a few... see Day 52, Day 49, Day 48, and Day 39]

11. Only a pirate is capable of killing another pirate. If you are not a pirate (let's say a ninja) and wish to challenge a pirate, they have a word for that. Corpse. [Did somebody say Ninja? see Day 147]

12. Three-cornered hats, headbands and bandanas are the only acceptable headwear for pirates. Fedoras, bowler derbies, baseball caps, mickey ears, top hats, sombreros, or anything with lace and flowers will be removed from the vessel-- head included. A grace period of one minute is allowed for hats looted from a tailory. [And a few bad hats: Day 98, Day 41, Day 28, and Day 154 for starters]

13. No pirate shall drink Grog out of a glass. Grog is only to be consumed either straight from the barrel, or from a mug heavy enough to to kill a man. (see Day 156)

14. A pirate shall never wear lipstick, nail polish, or capri pants. Actually, that kinda goes without saying. [Nothing in the rules about dresses? See Day 139, Day 146, Day 132, Day 130, or even just yesterday]

15. Pirates shall always wear boots, except in the case of a peg leg. Then one boot is acceptable. Flip-flops are right out.

[flip-flops? Well those would be EVERY DAY. This rule must not apply to Hawaiian Pirates, as Dale wore his "Hawaiian slipper" every day for the first 61 days. Then he mixed in other foot apparel as costumes required: Day 62 (boot!), Day 81 (clown shoe), Day 82 (boot!), Day 84 (boot!), Day 85 (boot!) Day 88 (board shoe), Day 89 (boot!), Day 95 (boot!), Day 96 (boot!), Day 100 (boot!), Day 101 (boot!), Day 109 (boot!), Day 113 (boot!), Day 116 (Spartan sandal), Day 140 (boot!), Day 144 (boot!), Day 148 (Leprechaun), Day 158 (clown shoe)]